Free Range Friday California (or, where is the fence in my tent kit?)

Does this tent look bear proof? No it does not.

Last night in the tent might have been my last night in the tent. After a good evening spent with my son; dinner, watching the DNC convention, having good talk, I headed to bed. Comfy and cozy and finishing for the nth time Half Asleep in Frog Pajamas by Tom Robbins, I finally clicked off the lantern and scooted down deep into my warm sleeping bag, adrift in contentment. Until I heard a sliding, through the leaves, down the little hill right behind my tent, with growling and yipping included. I expected whatever it was to hit the tent, but when I clicked the lantern back on, it stopped. For a moment. Then it was off to the side of the tent, maybe a foot from my suddenly seeming much more vulnerable head. So, for the second time in my existence, I give smoking credit for saving my life (the first time was when I leaned over to flick an ash into a slightly out of reach ashtray, a split second before a two hundred pound chandelier crashed to the floor exactly where I was standing beneath it). Yes, yes, I know. Smoking will probably be the death of me one way or another, but once I lit the match and started puffing - without inhaling because it made more smoke - the whatever it was heavily padded away and up the hill, where I could hear it a few more times before it was silent once again, giving back the peaceful chirping sounds of the now early hours.

Tip from a bear hunting site:

Bears are smart enough to smell tobacco and they know tobacco comes with humans. I am delighted to know how smart bears are!

Was I really in danger? My heartbeat says yes I was. In reality, I have no idea. Nor do I want to know.

Bear Safety Fact I never heard about:

• Change your clothing before you go to sleep; don't wear what you cooked in to go to bed and be sure to store smelly clothing along with your food/smelly items. 
  • from US Parks/Bear Safety

So for today's Free Range Friday, we have...

A modified by me recipe from an anonymous source, for cooking bear meat. What did you think it would be, tips on staying in a good hotel?

Cliff House Hotel at Shelter Cove

When I dress out a bear I always have plenty of trimmings to save for this recipe. This is an excellent dish, everyone admits they can't even tell it has wild game for the meat. Anon author

Ingredients: 

2 lbs. bear meat, cubed to 1 inch. 

Buttermilk, enough to cover meat (or beer, wine, vinegar (acidic marinades help break down the meat fiber, while many swear by the milk/garlic route - your choice)2 tablespoons flour 
1 teaspoon oregano 
1 tablespoon olive oil 
1/2 teaspoon salt  
One large head garlic, minced 
1 lb carrots, sliced 
5 large potatoes, peeled & sliced in chunks 
1 onion, sliced 
1/2 pound mushrooms (you don't have to gather them yourself)1 tbsp tomato puree 

First, marinate meat in buttermilk and half of the garlic for three days. Then rinse in cold water. 

Lightly season meat with salt and pepper, coat with flour. Heat olive oil in a skillet, sauté garlic until lightly browned, add meat and brown. Place the meat in a Dutch oven and cover with water. Add season salt and bring to a boil, cover and simmer for two hours. 

Add vegetables and more water if needed, simmer for one hour. puree, salt, and pepper, simmer for 15 minutes. 

Remove heat and let it sit for 30 minutes. Ready to serve. 

From this

to this
(available in the Helsinki airport, in case you have no source of bear meat)

to this (here served with a hot toddy)

Of course you are asking, MJ, what wine should I serve with my bear meat dinner if I don't want a hot toddy with it? Luckily for you, I have the answer(s). Well, someone else has the answers but I have already done the work for you. Here you go! I know; some of you think the only beverage to have with bear is beer. Go right ahead, you have my permission. Just don't forget the wine for the rest of us.

Have a unfrightful Friday. Do something fair and fine and fitting (all at once, if possible).