Monday Weird Joy and Grrr and Joy Again

Sometimes, Culebra just grabs you around the heart and squeezes out the gasps of deep down passionate 'I'll lay down' acceptance love and then she tosses you up like a wave, laughing because you thought you were...scared of not breathing and you know you can't breathe deep enough to take in all of the contentment joy. But then you find you have all of the breath and air in the world, with no strings attached. That was how today was for me.

My ride to town was with a local man I really love, one of the first Culebrense I met when I moved here. He has taught me a lot of Culebra history and I continue to get mini lessons every time I see him. A good start to the day.Another lesson.

While things have gone more quiet here (literally in two ways - the big bad machines did NOT show up on my corner today...and, it was a leaving time for a lot of visitors), there were still interesting conversations to be had, even if some of them rang around farewells. Because of where I sit, I see a lot of people arriving and leaving, by foot, by vehicle, waving, calling out.. those leaving ready to be planning a trip back before they've even hit an airport. Beauty!

One woman today stood out. She was hauling two BIG rolling pieces of luggage and laughing at herself for it. Pretty in an orange top and black and white skirt, I kind of understood a little bit about how much stuff she had....she looked nice in a not overdone way...maybe it takes a lot of stuff to do that. How would I know? But she told me a little story. When she first got here she thought, this place is pretty...grungy. And then she opened herself up and got to know Cruz and the chickens and a few of the daily passers by and then some more. She met people who lived here and laughed. And her whole attitude melded into Culebra mode. A rare bird, she. Nice. I hope she comes back soon and I know she hopes so as well.

So, all that niceness and then, on my way home, I was looking at the road that we had to drive into the teacher's parking lot to go around today. And, sorry you guys who I like so much, but after this weekend, after hearing so many comments from people who had been here years before and their slight shock at seeing the dirt and horrid road conditions, and then seeing what was left today after this morning's go around...I'm done being polite.


It's a disgrace. Our island, that we've gotten used to being filthy with mud (the water truck came down the street on my way home...he drove so quickly he did no good at all, only piled the dirt higher on the sidewalk...truly, if he'd gone very very very slowly, he might have had some positive effect... but that was not happening), with holes in the raods, ridiculous patching with terrible cement - I'm DONE being nice about it. I wanted to talk to Rocky and Carlos before writing this but they weren't around when I passed by and I'm not waiting. This island has been trashed by a company that has no more concern for Culebra than the rapist developers who are here. Filth us up. Tear the land. Take the money. Run. And who is stopping them? The complainers, like me, are howling voices in the wind of a moneyed vaccum. So easy to label us eco bunny lover tree huggers....but please! Listen to the elders of Culebra..why aren't their children SHOUTING? I get asked 20 times a week if I was born here. I only wish I had been, because then I might be able to whisper scream in the right language to gather the love and passion and hope that I feel and hear every day from those who WERE born here...to make some changes and stop the foolishness. Is it me or does this photograph look like a very angry face? Beware the disturbed underground gods of Culebra....and the over ground ones as well.

and moving right along...because that is my only sanity...

I roamed my yard as sunset came on. My landlord and a traveler were going out for a night ride. Joy and joy...the beauty of the sunset, the smile on her face.

The awareness of the above was not erased, but tempered with my own reality - sailing...my gardens..a brilliant sunset. Maybe I should close the cart and just stay in my yard...singing in the streets...will you buy my hot sauce and muffins....will you buy my bread and my eggs...(Oliver Twist if you don't know the tune, watch the movie!)
But my reality encompasses all of this and much more. I used to say when I lived on St. Croix that I wasn't cool enough to live in the islands and I wasn't sane enough to live in America. I guess some things don't change.

added bit: I'd just finished posting this and then, checking my email, a Culebra part timer sent me this in her note...what the hell do I have to complain about?